to my uncle who made me fall in love with art
NIKBIN
Isra, who bore an uncanny resemblance to Sarah Geronimo, invited me to join her at the event with the Golden Gays. It was an opportunity I couldn’t resist–I’ve been long enchanted by Markova: A Comfort Gay, and the chance to be a part of this gathering felt like a dream come true. Despite the flutter of nerves, there was an overwhelming sense of peace and excitement within me, knowing that meeting them face-to-face would be an extraordinary experience. While my knowledge about them was limited to what I've read in articles and Markova’s story. I came to the event with an open heart and mind. As I went up the stairs, my eyes scanned the crowd for Isra. Her resemblance to Sarah Geronimo made her instantly recognizable.
With open arms, she greeted me warmly, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. She directed me to a seat in the corner of the room, where we waited for the others to finish their meal. Each Queen I laid my eyes on exuded glamour and grace. Every smile exchanged was filled with warmth and compassion. Though we were strangers, it felt as though I was reconnecting with old friends from my past life. After dining, they meticulously retouched their makeup, checked themselves in the mirror, and some even changed their wigs. Observing their meticulous routine, I marveled at the dedication required for their lifestyle. Yet, their energy wasn’t one of vanity; rather it emanated from a profound confidence in themselves.
They wore their gowns with such ease, commanding the room with every step.
Engaging with them, I discovered a sense of camaraderie as we discussed makeup techniques, upcoming plans, and how they arrived at the event—as if we had known each other for a lifetime. They never asked for my name or questioned my presence, yet they welcomed me wholeheartedly, making me feel like I belonged.
Isra introduced me to Ramon Busa, the president of the Golden Gays, also known as Monique Dela Rue. Initially, her presence seemed daunting, given her position. However, as soon as I engaged in conversation with her, I was met with an overwhelming sense of warmth and enthusiasm.
It was as if her age had no bearing on her energy; she radiated youthfulness and vitality. Her ability to joke effortlessly showcased her lively spirit, yet even in laughter, she maintained a gracefulness and poise that epitomized her character perfectly.
After the event concluded, Isra and I made our way to the Golden Gays' house, just two blocks away from where the event took place, to extend our time with them.
Upon arrival, there was a sense of calmness as everyone settled in. Some were busy unpacking groceries from the event, others were enjoying a cigarette, and a few gathered in the living room with a bottle of Fundador.
Despite the simplicity of the setting, the atmosphere was filled with joy and tenderness. It was noon, and their only priority was to bask in each other's company and share in the warmth of friendship. As the Golden Gays enjoyed their time in the living room, Isra and I took the opportunity to deepen our connection and get to know each other better.
Isra's upbringing was filled with love and support from her grandmother and aunt, who embraced her for who she is without judgment or reservation. Despite their playful banter about her being gay, they never made her feel ashamed or pressured to be anyone other than herself. It was a nurturing environment that allowed her to explore her identity and sexuality freely. Although, the constraints of her grandmother's strictness limited her activities to mainly school and home.
After Isra’s grandmother passed away, she spent most of her time in Balic-Balic, Sampaloc, where her Father resides. In that small community, she found solace and formed lasting friendships that shaped her to become the person she is today.
"Sapat, minsan sobra, pero hindi kumukulang."
Before, Isra's life was a whirlwind of performances at bars every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. However, when her son began school, she shifted her working nights to just Fridays and Saturdays. Despite her deep love for performing and the financial benefits it brings, the late nights became unsustainable. She would often arrive home very late from work, scrambling to ensure her son was ready for school. Recognizing the importance of her presence, Isra made sacrifices and adjusted her work-life balance to prioritize her son, Nikbin.
In their household, it's just Isra and Nikbin, with Isra being the sole caregiver and responsible for his well-being. From bringing him to school to picking him up, every aspect of her life revolves around Nikbin. She had to let go of a significant part of her work routine to be there for him.
However, to maintain her income despite performing only twice a week, Isra managed to secure bookings at two bars in one night, for both Fridays and Saturdays.
Isra finds immense joy in her work. When she shared her experiences with me, I initially felt overwhelmed by the demanding schedule. Yet, Isra's passion for her craft shines through. She has never pursued another job besides performing. Despite the fatigue, the shared attachment with fellow performers makes every night worthwhile.
Isra had never thought about becoming a parent or imagined having children of her own. However, her outlook shifted when her friend Kulit explained that Nikbin’s biological parents didn't wish to raise him. His parents also had other families, and his mother needed to return to Palawan to be with her primary family. As a result, they were looking for someone else to care for Nikbin. Although Isra initially rejected Kulit's request due to apprehensions about the immense responsibility, her perspective suddenly changed when she finally laid eyes on the baby.
Isra adopted Nikbin when he was three months old.
I had the pleasure of meeting Nikbin a week after meeting Isra. She invited me to her friend Regine's place in Makati, where she often leaves Nikbin while she's at work.
Upon meeting Nikbin, I noticed his initial shyness and timidity. Isra mentioned that he often behaved this way when meeting new people but assured me that once his walls were down, he was quite the opposite. And indeed, as I got to know him better, he revealed himself to be talkative and full of energy, albeit in the most endearing way possible.
I took the opportunity to teach Nikbin how to take pictures and use a camcorder, and he eagerly entertained himself with these newfound skills.
What struck me most about Nikbin was his profound understanding of his background. He knew everything about his biological parents, including how Isra adopted him as a baby, his mother's residence in Palawan, and the fact that both his father and mother had other families. Isra explained that she wanted Nikbin to face the reality of his situation early on, and he has shown remarkable maturity in handling it.
Nikbin is also well-educated about Isra's profession. He attends her shows sometimes and even dances with her.
He is an honor student, respectful of his elders, and above all, he finds joy in life's simplest pleasures.
During a private moment with Nikbin, he opened up about his family dynamics, sharing stories about his cousins and their spirited debates about anime. When I asked if he wanted a little sister, he sweetly replied that he already considered himself having one, referring to his father figure, Isra's ex-boyfriend's new baby.
I learned that Nikbin became Isra's pillar of strength during a difficult period after her breakup with his father figure. They were together for 13 years and broke up when he was four years old. Despite the heartbreak and upheaval, Nikbin's presence and unwavering support provided her with solace and healing. Their relationship is a testament to the profound love, resilience, and understanding that exists between a mother and her son.
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Before heading to work, Isra and Regine invited me to join them for dinner, along with Nikbin. We went to a nearby restaurant and enjoyed Filipino breakfast food for dinner. The conversations we had were a mix of topics, ranging from my school life and current endeavors to celebrity gossip and talking about Nikbin's experiences at school. It was a heartwarming moment filled with laughter and genuine connections.
What struck me the most was Nikbin's thoughtfulness throughout the evening. He would ask about what each of us wanted and even took the initiative to get sauces for us from the counter. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes about his kindness and consideration.
Being welcomed into their simple yet loving life for that day was an experience I will cherish forever. It's moments like these that remind us of the beauty in simplicity and the warmth of genuine human connections.
